Stalkers and Abuse – Part 4
Sunday, November 15, 2015So I decided to tackle Andrew head on. To win him over, and be on his side. That way I could stop him contacting my friends and family, calm him down, keep an eye on him, possibly improve the life of his parents. I could turn a negative into a positive. I'd be becoming the internet babysitter/social worker I didn't want to be, but the positives outweighed the negatives.
date: Mon, Jan 27, 2014 at 7:23 AM
Your nuclear deterrent is a joke. You really think Russia or China could be "deterred" with that, you can barely destroy Greater Moscow or Shanghai with your entire, "arsenal" :D
Despite actually being born in England, Andrew likes to believe he isn't British. I am sure if countries didn't exist, he'd convince himself he wasn't Human to separate himself from everyone.
My posts are in green.
I am not England. It's where I was born. Burning the flag or talking shit about it really does not affect me at all.
Maybe we should talk about how we can make these emails end? What's a positive outcome to this for you?
None. You ignored me for several hours yesterday, I must have vengeance.
You want vengeance because I did nothing?
You are a traitor then, you should be enraged, your ancestors would start wars over smaller slights, as they should. Most likely you'll spit at some foreign-looking people as you drive past them.
Because you made me wait for reply. Time is money!
So are you saying that these emails will never stop? If I block you, will you escalate, will you be harassing my family? I appreciate that you haven't done that yet this time, and would like to thank you for that.
I get a lot of emails and yours are kind of greeting in the way of the real ones.
Ok, let's talk.... How did you get my Mum's name?
Andrew was worried that I'd used my huge wealth to bribe police and government officials to pass information about him, and was having him monitored by a private detective.
I told him how I did it. It was legal, and simple, but to protect him and his I won't reveal how here.
I am saying you are making me repeat myself, I have already stated I want to know how you found my Mother.
I would also like to know how rescinding my IP ban is going to hurt you.
I've asked both several times now.
So you Googled for what exactly?
How were you looking at her FB page in the first place?
And I guess that's a No to the IP question. Bear in mind that I was honest enough to admit it was me, isn't that worth something?
Also there's nothing I can do about those Rust vids I posted on, sorry.
Andrew had a habit of being over enthusiastic with his emails. He used them like a chat room, posting many instead of consolidating his thoughts into a single one, or before waiting for a reply.
New rule. One email at a time. Please.
OK. In return answer questions please.
Also, I don't need to harass anyone. But if a Unity3D game was to appear with certain content, how is that illegal or harassing, free speech, right? I'd prefer for that NOT to happen, it's really upto you.
I will, but you have to appreciate that I've just woke up, so I'm eating breakfast and having a shower. I can't reply to emails within seconds of them arriving, and having 5 emails to answer makes me not want to reply because it feels like spam.
Fair enough. Look I'm not trying to be a cunt, I just don't like people having access to stuff that isn't online. If it is online then fine, there's a security breach of my own making, but I need to know what that is....
An ideally positive outcome would be at least having read-only access to forum, is it not possible to prevent my IP from creating new accounts? If not, I understand.
Also thank you for taking the time to reply this morning, and sorry for email flood I can get a bit carried away sometimes and to me instant replies seem normal, but then I have no life, ha.
I can already see that replying to him is getting positive results. He's still being demanding - and in that way trying to force conflict, and I'm rewarding his negative behaviour. Like training a puppy, you need to point out and punish negative behaviour, but you also need to invoke and reward positive behaviour just as much if not even more.
In a way I feel like removing the IP ban (which I didn't add by the way) would be rewarding your behaviour here. It seems like if I remove the ban in exchange for an end to these emails, there's nothing stopping you from starting the emails again if you get banned from the forums or something.
And it would be teaching you that months of insane emails, calling me a cunt, spamming comments on our games YouTube videos, threatening to contact my family are the way to get what you want.
How do we resolve that?
Hi, thanks for your reply.
Is it possible to prevent my IP from creating a new account? Don't really wanna participate in forums as it always tends to go pear-shaped for me, but would be nice just to read content, especially programming stuff. If it's not possible, then I need to think about it. I know that it's definitely not in my interest to post, ever, as it'll result in a ban, and I respect that I am supposed to be banned for life anyway, so not sure what to suggest other than promising not to create another account, I know that's not really good enough though....need to think about it after some sleep.
Only thing I can think of right now is you immediately email police if you start feeling I'm being abusive again. They won't lock me up but they will potentially take days from me as they and the local Aspergers Team lecture me in not being a cunt. I need all that time to rebuild my career because if I'm still a loser at age 40; 2 years from now I suicide unconditionally, on my own, so the clock is ticking down fast for me.
What's your IP? I'll unban it.
FYI the suicide talk is why I contacted your mom in the first place. It wasn't to hurt you. You mentioned that she talked sense into you before.. and I thought she could do it again. I didn't mean any disrespect by it.
IP is [ip address]
I'm not suicidal, but the thought of being cut into 100 pieces under a high-speed train is a pretty powerful motivator. I don't have a realistic prayer of catching up with you in 2 years, or Notch (!!!LOL!!!), but if I can't at least have something elaborate close to release or have sold a few tens of thousands of copies of something I'll provably be content, until the next milestone anyway, I guess it's just a cultural thing. I should at least manage a "Tom Francis-Lite" I think. Everyone around me knows about this deadline, including my Mum, some are surprised by how casual I am about it, some have a strange left-wing attitude of, "you are not a failure", they are liars and my view is why exist if you're not doing something special? They say Bill Gates and John Carmack are probably aspies so Aspergers is no excuse for failure.
Thank you for trusting me on this, it means a lot. :)
Doing things to be successful doesn't work. You'll probably find that most successful people started doing stuff because they loved doing it. The success is a side effect, and isn't always the most important thing.
I've been thinking alot about that lately - there's a good Steve Jobs quote about needing to love your work or be passionate about it - makes sense to me. Unity3D helps a whole lot I find 8))
And so our friendship blossomed. He confided in me, and I gave him advice the best I could. When he posted negative stuff I didn't reward it with a reply.
: Tue, Mar 4, 2014 at 3:08 AM
subject: More constructive idea
Would you ever publish games for smaller indies, how about somekind of scouse-killing-simulator, but done in a way that is actually humorous, or is that something FPS wouldn't touch?
date: Tue, Mar 4, 2014 at 3:09 AM
subject: Fwd: Fwd: We're done
See all this shit, it's how I was able to be so negative to you 5 years ago. You, well, scousers, rip out someone's soul and it leaves them capable of anything. Maybe you could help me get back at them eventually....as they are indirectly responsible for all that shit 5 years ago. They breed evil. And they're a national problem, flooding small towns with hard drugs, causing mayhem everywhere they go etc. They need to be exterminated, ultimately not one can be allowed to live.
(quoted email apparently sent to someone at NHS Merseyside)
I need the AS team to help me get out of Liverpool, and start again
elsewhere.....otherwise this is going to happen. I am warning several
people so there will be no excuses if.......when........I snap and do
something drastic, a £200 sword and 30 decapitated locals one Friday night
is not worth me spending 20 years in jail for, especially if there's ANY
chance I could one day take maybe 100,000 of them or more. The only way
I'm going to get this under control is if I live somewhere else, far away
from them....I cannot function here on any worthwhile level and continuing
to fail so hard in life is eventually going to lead me to exploding. If I
was elsewhere I wouldn't think about them.............at least until a much
more suitable time....
He'd started forwarding long email conversations he had with his step dad and some speciality NHS team that were discussing what to do with him. I don't feel I can share these as they weren't sent to me, but there's nothing of any significance in them.
date: Tue, Mar 4, 2014 at 4:38 PM
subject: Fwd: Re:
Are your parents goddamn hippy liberals too? Oh no wait, you're a self-made multi-millionaire. They must have done something right I guess ;)
He'd quoted an episode of the simpsons in a reply to his step dad, the one where Ned Flander's parents are revealed to be too modern to discipline him.
You have so much energy. No kids or family tying you down monopolising your time.
You really need to funnel these negative feelings into something productive. You really could do great things.
Your goal should be to hurt the people that have hurt you not with angry words or violence, but with your achievements.
Thing is I want family/kids, but I can't see it happening if I leave it much longer and will ultimately feel even more of a failure for not having them.
That's what I've been trying to do, but the clock is ticking so close to midnight. Am too depressed to pursue indie stuff at the moment, so been focusing on Minecraft stuff. But that's failing hard, and I think to myself, if I can't even make Minecraft servers work, essentially a toy for kids, then how do I accomplish anything else? Ok, there are indie games selling 100K+ copies left right and centre these days, the scene has become amazing, but I doubt I could do it.....not through technical limitations though. I look at Unity3D and with my C++ background am not remotely intimidated by it.
The people who've hurt me the most are my parents (but they're superifically nice to me so is hard to lash out at them too much), many cunts in school, the NHS, scouse chicks, and probably most politicans for the last 30 years....I wish I could just transmute the negativity into pure motivation and do the kinda things you're doing....
Although people like me are not capable of not-abusing-power, once they eventually had ahcievements - I'd totally turn into somekind of Bond villain in the end and die in a hail of SpecOps bullets lol.
Family/kids come naturally after everything is done. In my experience it's not something you get by seeking it. It comes when you decide you don't care and are getting on with other things. Believe me, don't be in a rush to make this happen - it will kill any productivity you have.
GMod didn't happen because I wanted to make money. GMod happened because I was bored, it was something I wanted to do, something I enjoyed doing. Even when Valve asked me to sell it I didn't think anyone would care, I was still pushing Facewound. I felt like I was wasting my time with GMod. That's how wrong you can be.
Fuck about in Unity because you love it, you love making shit happen. Not because you want to get rich. If you do it because you love it there's no way you can lose.
I didn't really know anything about people with aspergers at the time. I knew that they could concentrate on stuff for long periods of time. In my mind I needed to make his train jump tracks, to jump from the "I am a victim, everyone else should die" track, to the "I am going to be ok" track. He liked programming, making a simple game seemed like an achievable goal if he could keep his mind on it.
date: Wed, Mar 5, 2014 at 2:59 AM
subject: Female psychologists
Shame she think's she's too good for me. Alternatively my talk of nuclear weapons being used against the civilians of liverpool didn't come across as well as I thought. She's none-scouse so she shouldn't have been offended though..........meh, liberals.
She won't reply to my emails other than to complain to the AS team when they became abusive the other week (which I apologized for - BUT, she STILL doesn't put out, disgraceful....)
Oh well, when I'm a trillionaire, the world's first and only no-less, I will employ a small army of people to fly gold, diamond-encrusted helicopters over her house day and night dragging a, "Ok you stoopid ass ho, see what you lost?" banners behind them :O
The banners will also be made of gold :O
And yes, I was wearing shorts that day, just for her benefit, but she was so frigid she didn't even try to molest me :( Bloody feminism.
This email creeped me out. It was the first time I thought that there could be legitimate real world victims. I'm sure this young lady is well trained at what she does, risks are properly assessed. But we know how Andrew handled rejection, and secret photos shows a decent level of obsession.
Still, I ignored it, like 99% of his emails, I didn't offer an opinion.
date: Wed, May 21, 2014 at 9:22 AM
subject: 2008 / brain malfunction (again)
OMG, WTFH was that!? I just spent the last hour or so lying in bed trying to get back to sleep after a nightmare about......yes, all that stuff in 2008. I thought I was analysing the nightmare I'd just had, wondering WTH had happened, but I'm now suspecting it was somekind of sequel nightmare and I was actually asleep again. In the first nightmare I found myself at your house (which for some reason looked like it was designed by the set designer of Two and a Half Men or something). I'm there with a bunch of other guests, and I find myself having lots of bizarre (even by my standards!) encounters. At one point I'm giving a painful apology to your parents, in front of all the other guests for 2008. They're all dressed in Tuxedos or something....then I find myself getting chewed out and scratched in the eye by Sarah....then and this was the worst part, I find myself being asked by someone very young, perhaps a nephew or something of yours, why I did all those things in 2008 and struggling to answer but feeling deep remorse. There was more including an encounter with someone who vaguelly looked like Craig and seemed to want to "fight" causing us almost to fall of a roof, even though there was no fight happening, and then the people who saved us wanted to conduct a survey as to how well they'd done. The whole thing was fucking horrible. :((
Suffice it to say, I've woken up staggering around like a zombie, feeling like something was trying to suck my soul from my body, and wondering if you'd politely lay off deploying occultic Crowleyesque Black Magick soulsuckers against me....on the other hand, maybe it's just the central heating.....
I don't know what the f*, if anything, any of that actually means, but I now find myself in an ideal frame of mind for several hours of Wolfenstein the New Order.
date: Wed, May 21, 2014 at 9:26 AM
It turns out....the central heating....wasn't even on :o *scared*
Sounds like a rough night :)
date: Sat, Jun 7, 2014 at 1:49 PM
I hope they have good insurance, because it's only a matter of time until some enraged server owner in Sweden petrol bombs their offices, or maybe some kid enraged by the death of their favourite server. This is blatantly a move by Mojang to force Realms on everyone. It's the kind of anti-competitive shit Microsoft pulled as routine in the 90's. :(
That might be an over reaction
Possibly, but you know what that demographic can be like....and there's so many millions of them; you only need 1. Hopefully Mojang come to their senses ASAP.
I can see Notch being stabbed to death one night on the stockholm tram on his way home from work. You don't make millions of enemies like that in one foul swoop and get away with it. Hell, considering what happened to his Dad, someone could shoot notch through the head and make it look like a suicide, "runs in the family after all" etc. I knew the cunt was a fucking jew the minute I laid eyes on him; the pubic beard, the hat, the fat, the insatiable greed. He's disgusting :(
Even microsoft wouldn't have pulled a stunt like this in their worst days. They need to have some sense talked into them before it's too late.
I don't understand how you can have such strong feelings that you would even consider someone would kill because of it. It's a game, who gives a fuck?
Either they will back-peddle and let people do what they want, and everyone will be happy.
Or they won't, they will lose respect, people will move to other games, and they will go downhill. Everyone but them are happy.
I hope you're right about them backing away from this or at least watering it down. I wonder what other veteran industry folk, apart from yourself make of this situation.
In my case the strong feelings are because I've invested so much of myself in my server(s) the last 3.5 years, a few thousand hours, a few thousand dollars of costs that haven't been matched by donations and a shitload of self-esteem. I was just beginning to turn it around now, after a lot of mismanagement, failures and hard lessons, so to have that taken away from me is pretty provocative. It seems pretty transparent that their goal is to grab as much of the hosting as possible (with their "Realms" garbage), and kill off the mods in favour of their own ModAPI stuff.
I'm guessing there's an army of people in similar positions to me. So far the reaction to Mojang seems to be toxic....and they were attacked quite badly with DDoS a few years ago for arguably much less.
However, look at the stuff microsoft was allowed to get away with in the 90's. The market balances stuff out eventually, but in that scenario it took forever....
Maybe it's time to prototype a new game in Unity, "The stabbing of Notch" :P *jk*
Andrew has a habit of coming up with game ideas motivated by negative feelings.
His emails continued. They bounced between inane and insane, sometimes within a matter of hours.
date: Thu, Jul 10, 2014 at 3:59 PM
subject: english porn
Hmmm, do you have any explanation of why english porn is so unbelievably crap? Have you tried watching any? I mean, the women aren't too bad, in all fairness, some are passable, but everything else about them is so cheap and amateurish, especially compared to what comes out of the USA, the continent, Japan, and even Brazil and Russia. Why do you think that is? :/
date: Thu, Jul 10, 2014 at 5:29 PM
Why are english people generally such consistently ruthlessly horrible, amoral cunts, and how long do you think it'll be until there is somekind of 9/11 style incident here, possibly on a much larger scale, maybe involving nukes or a bioweapon?
I tried to make a point of cherry picking a positive email to reply to every couple of days, finding some way to glean positivity from it, to help him in some small way.
date: Thu, Jul 10, 2014 at 5:39 PM
It's awesome how much more creative my game ideas get when I'm in a rotten mood. Do you find that yourself? :)
Not really, probably the opposite tbh.
Who's been upsetting you this time?
95%+ of the people I've ever met in my life. I'll eventually be avenged though.....with the blood of millions. *sinister Supervillainesque music*
Why are you letting them consume your runtime
Have you ever been tortured? For how long? 38 years?
After that, you become so engulfed with incandescent rage that you can no longer function, apart from typing angry shit to lots of people who don't care. :(
I would wager that I receive a lot more negativity on a daily basis than you :)
That's probably true. But you're pretty well compensated for it, I don't get anything for it.....you get to have quite a few well-wishers too, my "allies" want me dead.
Holy shit, I see what you mean, you can't say anything without them all crawling out the woodwork to snipe at you...
I admire your ability to withstand their shit :))
Clearly it's not easy, see how depressed Notch was getting on his Twitter the other day? :(
He's probably too nice for this.
He'd started frequenting online dating sites. He wasn't having much luck with it. Every rejection, every ignored message was putting him on the wrong track. The problem wasn't him, it was them, it was the country they were born in.
Could there be a possibility that the women of this island are just stuck-up antisocial snobs? The fact they need to drink so much outside the Internet, in order to be communicative, seems like a pretty bad sign perhaps?
I'm so done with this country, need to find a way to emigrate to the US...
Women aren't a different species. They're the same as men. Some are cunts, some aren't.
It might be an online thing....there 99% seem to fit into the cunt category (no pun intended).
At the same time his obsession with the female phsycologist was growing.
date: Sat, Jul 12, 2014 at 8:18 AM
subject: [Her Name]
How can I force [Her Name] to like me?
I think it'd help me to be more focused on the dev stuff....
This is what she looks like....
[Photo of her, taken from her friend's Facebook photos of a wedding]
Yeah women fucking love programmers.
Weeeeeeeeell........you managed to get them while still starting-up? Pre-GMod?
[Her Name] knows of my geekish leanings, she was my former psychologist......seemed pretty flirty with me sometimes, and that stuff I told her, "made her feel very sad", but when I tried to pursue it after our last session she reminded me, "it is against the rules". This was a year ago though...I've been messaging her since without reply until the Asperger team told me to stop or face police consequences. In hindsight that bed-breaking invite may not have been such a good plan
Obviously not replying to his emails and threatening with police action isn't enough of a "no" for Andrew.
In my experience people don't like to be pursued. Show your obvious interest then move on to someone else, nothing is more attractive than something you can't have. It's win win because you either find someone you like and who likes you, or they start pursuing you.
I like it, that's good advice, thanks :)
It's weird how that works and psychology in general. Maybe the thing that's unavailable is perceived to be of higher value.
Oh man, why can't I ever have a normal day? Muslim woman before, from a dating site, is now offering me £40 for sex and wanting to call me from a private number. WTF is up with that? My spidey senses are screaming, "DANGER!". She's not unattractive either.....
Dating became his new primary goal. Talk of games and programming had stopped. His emails were all about women, girlfriends, dating, sex. His frustrations about women in the UK, how he'd have to date from another country if he was to stand a chance. Inventing imaginary obstacles to his happiness to cloak his total lack of self awareness.
date: Thu, Jul 24, 2014 at 10:17 AM
subject: Angry messages
This is the kinda thing I have to deal with, as well as generally being ignored by them....
...................................................""What a lovely guy you are. Clearly can't handle regection. Why don't you stop messaging girls who are clearly out of you league and go back to wanking off into a wet flannel like the dirty hobbit bastard you are!!! Giving girls abuse because they are not interested shows what a pathetic loser ylu really are. Just face it no girl will ever be interested in a fat ugly pig like you! Oh and I've just had a look at your pictures and I really would remove them because with a face like that you are never going to get a date!!! You look like you've been set fire to and put out with a spade! If I looked like that than I'd just fucking kill myself. You are trajic!!! I like how you assume the reason I'm not interested is because I'm racist and not because you are horrifyingly ugly Dodged a bullet .... there was never any bullet to dodge as I'd never be interested in a parasite like you. Your pictures alone are enough to make anyones stomach churn so if I saw you in person I'd just projectile vom all over you. Hey it might even make you look better! Good one with the hitler comment. Did it take you all night to come up with that genius put down! Anyway I'm going to block you now because as entertaining as this has been I don't want to be wasting anymore of your precious time. No doubt it won't be long before someone gets the urge to chuck you under a bus. Oh and if you ever feel the need to jump off a bridge no fucker will miss you so feel free. It will save anyone else having to endure the discomfort of being in your company. BYE! Douche bag. ""
I mean what did I do, apart from looking a bit foreign.....which is a terrible crime apparently. Ok, I called her an ugly hairy footface or something........but that's because she rejected me and I'm tired of rejection
He was obviously becoming abusive to the women on the dating sites too.
Can you think of any argument you've won that improved your life? Do you think of all the women you've been rejected by, if you'd have accepted it graciously and thanked them for their honesty they might have seen it as a positive attribute? Instead of turning on them and attacking them, and confirming that their decision to reject you was the right one?
Not markedly so, no....
I've started doing that, but it doesn't make them change their minds. Or at least not quickly. After several hours, they still didn't acknowledge my nice message. Also they don't usually explicitly reject, they just ignore....like you don't even exist. I think they do it for a power trip. I just need a few dozen million £ to get hold of a smallpox strain, hire some top geneticists to clandestinely weaponize it, specifically so it only targets Northern European and Germanic genomes with the x chromosome I.e. English chicks. Then I'll be the one who has the last laugh. I'll also release a Sideshow Bob style vid admitting full responsibility and laughing my ass off on it for a few hours. You and yours will be conveniently out the country at the time, so as not to,be infected, still working on how exactly that'll work.
Ignoring, abuse. Replying, abuse.
Sorry but I've been banging my head against a wall my entire adult life, with almost no moral support, losing the best years of my life and now you think I can just forgive and forget? Watch that video about Elliot Rodger I sent you.....the guy keeps reiterating how he thinks Rodgers parents were aloof and indifferent and essentially set the wheels in motion for his eventual massacre. If Rodgers had been more patient he could have taken 6000 or 6 million or 6 billion, instead of just 6. I need to be more patient, gather the resources, then at the right time open the gates of Hell personally. And if it looks like it'll never happen there's always the sword-spree I've mentioned so many times, but in really 25 million women of this country need to go.....and if their men try to prevent it, then them too. Some grudges are impossible to get past. They will never give me justice. They will never give me compensation. What does that leave? Revenge.
You want to kill thousands of people because girls won't suck your dick? Don't you see how crazy that makes you? Do you think that women would even be safe with you? Or are they more likely to end up in a suitcase on a motorway embankment?
You are getting rejected by these women, so what, you don't know them. So why bother? Being abusive is just confirming their decisions and it's showing that you give a fuck. Have a wank and do something else. Something that doesn't involve obsessing on your failures.
> You want to kill thousands of people
No. Millions. Possibly billions.
> because girls won't suck your dick?
It's more than just sex. Try to visualize, and it's not going to be easy, how you would feel if you were my advanced age, had barely a single decent memory to show for your whole wretched existence, hadn't been on holiday for 21 years, had never done the whole clubbing thing which is pretty much mandatory in the UK, had nothing but bad luck your entire life, had indifferent parents, had extended and indifferent family all living thousand of miles away, had grown up an only child because your kid sister had been murdered by the NHS (made worse further that it's a much prized institution amongst the british), hadn't had your lifelong depression diagnosed until your 20's, had been diagnosed with this insane Asperger crap when clearly all my problems are due to culture, bad environment, bad parenting and bad luck, had been called good looking your whole life while women ignore you, had been in jail for 5 weeks essentially because a neighbour didn't like my face, had people mutter and think negative things about you just because you're a bit darker than them and have a weird surname that despite being only 2 syllables the locals refuse to pronounce properly, had to wait until 28 to even kiss a girl and have low quality sex with her not because she fancied you but because she was a street hooker funding her crack-cocaine and heroin addiction. That, was all just the tip of the iceberg. I could continue. I'm sorry but my entire life is a con.
> Don't you see how crazy that makes you?
Because most people haven't walked a single step in my shoes let alone a whole mile.
> Do you think that women would even be safe with you?
English chicks, these days, no. Hence the need to forget them. Foreign chicks, absolutely. They haven't treated me with such contempt.
> Or are they more likely to end up in a suitcase on a motorway embankment?
That's a possible upside of their rejection, but it's also made the grudge what it is. Instead of 1 suitcase, there'll be millions of bodybags. You treat a man like a wild animal and he'll become one. Look at Hitler and Stalin, they both had troubled lives and look how that turned out.
What right do I have to do anything bad? What right did society have to throw me away, torture and ostracize me for 38 years. Only blood, fear, tears, terror and worship will cleanse this pain. :|
> You are getting rejected by these women, so what, you don't know them. So why bother? Being abusive is just confirming their decisions and it's showing that you give a fuck. Have a wank and do something else. Something that doesn't involve obsessing on your failures.
While I'll be the first person to speak highly of wanking, how will it give me a family? :(
It seems like you blame everything but yourself for these problems.
Your parents suck, they didn't support you, that's why you are? So stop contacting them, move on, be a grown up.
Liverpool sucks, it's the reason you feel like you do. Move out. Go live anywhere else.
British girls are sluts, you can't find a wife here. Go find one somewhere else?
In the end you have got to look at everyone else and think "these are all doing it, I have no real excuse" and get off your arse and actually do something. No-one gives you anything in this life, you need to stop crying, stand up and take it.
date: Thu, Jul 24, 2014 at 5:47 PM
Writing Elliot Rodger style explanation for my forthcoming actions, but not 140 pages worth. No-one needs that much detail, just the basics. Then I tool-up. Maybe plan a bit. Then BLAM. 34 years of suppressed rage expressed in one evening of US-style bloodlust. Hopefully it'll inspire copycats too. I just wanted to be treated like a Human Being, but that was asking too much of my parents and the scousers. Wild animal it is then.
If my forwards are getting boring or depressing. I thought you might find them funny as most people would. If you want me to stop say so and I will. :)
date: Thu, Jul 24, 2014 at 7:19 PM
subject: Dealing with anger
How do you deal with anger, well, rage? For example the insane BS of 2008, and similar things. You seemed to just get back to work or did you do something else? Maybe I should buy a punching bag but I can see it getting broken in a few days.
I don't really get angry. Even when you were at your worst I wasn't angry, I wasn't upset. It isn't useful, it causes you to make mistakes.
You can't control what other people say or do, but you can control your reaction to what they say or do.
date: Thu, Jul 24, 2014 at 12:56 PM
subject: Fatwa lifted
Ok, the plan is abandoned, well, downsized. English women are now safe *crowd cheers*
Instead the scousers will get the full brunt of my rage. The women especially. But quite frankly if someone detonated a nuclear device here would anyone really give much of a shit? It'd do a few billion pounds worth of improvements :>
I still think I should place emphasis on finding foreign chick tho, easier said than done.....where are they?
date: Fri, Jul 25, 2014 at 6:57 AM
I so wanna plow/be plowed by this chick.... [OKCUPID LINK]
But we've spent the last few days sending each other page after page of insults, covering pretty much every topic. How to fix? But without losing face? I can tell she's a pure slut, so would be awesome to turn that to my advantage.
Andrew forwarded an email he'd sent to his mom onto me.
> I want you to know and hope you can believe I am genuine when I say how desperate and how sorry I feel when you talk like this, when I think about your childhood and your life and my failings. I know that when I say I did the best I could and knew that that's not enough and doesn't change things or take the pain away. I wish I had been a different person/mother. I am still trying.
> Even though it so often feels like walking on broken glass. Don't know what else to do.
Continue doing what you've always done; nothing.
> I wish I had more energy and better health, but I guess that's related to the kind of life I've had.. I wish I could turn the clock back and give you - and myself too- a different life :(
Stop distracting me, I have 7.2 billion lives to destroy. Although it'll be closer to 8 or 9 billion by the time I have the resources/___technology___. The only thing you can all do for me is make sure you're all still around then so you can have a front row seat to the biggest horror show in Human history.
PS if I don't do this, you better believe that somewhere. someone else will, in which case it is my duty to seek them out and assist.
PPS the only way you could have allowed all of this to transpire is if it was by design. Incompetence at this level cannot be possible, anywhere. You architected this outcome. And with freemasonry in the family it makes the theory even more credible. Just how many more secrets are there?
Things is when I'm ready I will be doing things my own way, no funny handshake brigade to try acting as my handlers and manipulate me towards carrying out their little self-serving agendas. No way was all this just "bad luck", oversight and incompetence, the idea it was is hilarious, I will eventually turn on them too. Be careful when creating monsters, for they may turn on you.
Really can't believe how disrespectful you are to your mom. You're what, 36? And you really act like a spoiled brat towards her.
I know you're going to come back with a list of terrible things she's done to you in your life but if Alex gives me half the shit you give your mom I'd completely disown him and never talk to him again.
That speaks volumes about how much she cares IMO. As you get older you're meant to make your parents lives easier, not harder.
If they don't care about you, if they've done terrible things, turn your back on them, be a man, grow up. Don't bully them with it via every day.
> but if Alex gives me half the shit you give your mom I'd completely disown him and never talk to him again.
Why would he? You're not planning to destroy him. You hold a grudge against your Dad? No? Why not, maybe he never gave you reason to. Remember some months back when you were explaining why you [understandably] held a grudge against me, well, it's the same thing. If you treat someone badly enough or they stand by idly while you suffer enough, long enough, while you were under the impression they were your allies what are they supposed to think of you?
> That speaks volumes about how much she cares IMO.
What if the parents fuck up from start to finish? Fail to impart useful life lessons? Fail to leave the kid ready to face the world as an adult? You won't do that to Alex because 1) You seem like a decent Human Being, probably one of the better examples I've encountered in fact. 2) You are certainly not, "EVIL" or insane. 3) Your own parents seem to have done a good or at least acceptable job, thus leaving you with a positive legacy. 4) You seem to have had plenty of support in general.
In reality, my parent's parents were also evil. It may even go back a few generations. One of my great-great grandmothers in Spain threw herself down a well. Maybe she was demon-possessed, maybe it was just untreated depression. Maybe one of our ancestors bullied a little old gypsy centuries ago and they returned the favour by cursing them and their children and their children's children forever. Who knows. My mum likes to use her own crappy parents as an excuse for her own failings. Why didn't she just have an abortion if she had an inkling she'd be such a bad parent?
What was your honest character assessment of me after 2008? Insane? Evil? Had you ever seen or experienced anything like it before or since? Where might such evil or insanity come from?
> As you get older you're meant to make your parents lives easier, not harder.
Respect is not earned?
> If they don't care about you, if they've done terrible things,
What they do is worse. They say they do, insist upon it, but never demonstrate it, bit weird?
> turn your back on them, be a man, grow up.
Like Hitler and Stalin did when they lost their parents and had no choice. I'm working on it.
Talking to Andrew was getting tiring. He was treating every sentence in email as an argument that he had to win. He wasn't absorbing any advice, he wasn't questioning his behaviour, it wasn't making him think. If he wasn't listening I was wasting our time.
date: Sat, Jul 26, 2014 at 5:03 PM
cc: (6 people, including his mom and dad)
You know what I'm going to do with my Saturday night?
While everyone else is out having fun and enjoying themselves and feeling, deludedly so, that others actually care for them, and are not simply using them. I am going to get really drunk, take some painkillers, but not enough to overdose. The combination should be enough to make me very tolerant towards pain. I hope. If not, TS.
Then I will take one of my knives and literally carve my face up, deliberately, and methodically scarring myself, but not destroying functionality such as eyes. I will look GROTESQUE by anyone's definition. The place and my clothes will be covered with blood. I will document the whole thing to share online along with my motivations.
1) So, NO-ONE will ever call me "handsome" or "good-looking" ever again. Someone so handsome or good-looking should theoretically have few problems with women. Where have mine been?
Do you have ANY comprehension of how AGONIZING it is to be told for decades of how good-looking you are but to have my pathetic track-record with women? Of course not, because EVERYONE has a better track record with women than me. EVERYONE!!! No, it has nothing to do with Aspergers! There are plenty of so-called, "Aspies" who ALSO have a much better track-record with women than me.
It's too late now. Someone the other day said I, "just need a BJ". HA! How simplistic. 22 years ago perhaps. Who was it that told me that? A gay bloke on hi5.com.
Apparently a people I have no trouble attracting, AGAINST my all my desires. I wanted WOMEN not men. Men were NEVER an option. Not only this, but do you have any comprehension of how painfully agonizing it is to have something you do not want under any circumstances whatsoever propositioning you, while all the time you cannot have what you really want? This has gone on for 20+ years. I tried having gay and "bi" friends and they all thought the same thing of my appearance, it wasn't going to happen with them and ultimately the friendships were trashed forever.
I don't even want sex with anymore let alone relationships. No average women, no supermodels. They are all the same. Vessels for evil. No, I am expelling the last vestiges of what it means to be Human. This means no regard for love, for sex, for adulation, only for attaining my ultimate purpose in life.
2) As a reminder to others of what pure unadulterated evil looks like and its consequences. I will at that stage become much more likely to venture outside, just to harm and psychologically scar others with my newly-butchered face. The documtary evidence available for everyone to see should hopefully contribute towards this.
3) As a reminder to myself of what my ultimate purpose. It has never been so crystal clear to me. Everytime I look in the mirror or perhaps even feel the newly butchered texture of my face I will be reminded. Human beings have made it clear to me they are nothing more than cockroaches, so be it.....I will become the biggest pest controller in the History of the Human species or at least die trying.
Most likely you, none of you, don't believe I will do this (or some of you will get this message after the act is complete), or are such typically lazy stereotypical Human cockroaches that you will see the length of this message and conclude, "TL;DR" (too long didn't read, as the teenagers say), but I know this is the most rational course of action. Now for a shave, a shower and some beer, am going to have to get moving it's already almost 5PM and I have a masterpiece to carve.
You probably all think this is a "sick" action? That I am deeply troubled. No, to the first, yes to the second. It's a completely rational action. Most people would use a tool such as suicide at this stage (or in fact 20 years ago, they wouldn't have lasted this long). Or perhaps they'd pick up a gun or sword and run around killing strangers? And I've made threats like that more than once
Others would use hard drugs. They'd become hopelessly addicted to crack-cocaine or heroin or methamphetamine. I have enough problems in life without becoming a junkie and being a junkie would distract me from my future plans. Suffice it to say, something "extreme" would be done.
PS any attempt to institutionalize me will result either in suicide or me more likely me eventually and quickly conning the Doctors and telling them exactly what they want to hear to prove I;m "all better now". You have any idea how stupid those people really are? They have never dealt with anything remotely like me. I am not and never was "sick". Your society is. To it's core.
What a fucking delightful way to spend an evening.
Sounds cool, send me a link when you're done.
date: Sat, Jul 26, 2014 at 7:03 PM
If my forwards are getting boring or depressing. I thought you might find them funny as most people would. If you want me to stop say so and I will. :)
They are depressing to be honest. I don't know how you expect these people to like, help or even communicate with you when you say the terrible toxic things that you do.
You really come off as a spoiled kid hungry for attention, and you seem to have discovered that it's easier to get that attention by saying negative things. And obviously the impact of this has worn off, so you make empty threats about self harm, which I'm guessing are also losing their impact.
I know anything I say to you is going to be turned into "me me me". You really need to think about other people, how they feel, their lives. The world doesn't rotate around you. You aren't the centre of the universe.
To be honest I really don't know why I'm replying to you anymore.. Because you treat everything I say as an argument that is up for debate instead of sitting and contemplating what you're doing, how you're thinking. You seem smart enough to take control of your brain if you really want to, I just think you're not strong enough.
Agree with your analysis, but, you know, it's not easy....
Where does one begin? I guess not saying anything else toxic.... Probably also cutting my losses with most of those people and realizing I'm not going to get anything from them. And that the baggage is probably too heavy with them. Maybe starting again with new people and putting what you say into practise. At least with new people the slate would be clean.... Just need to ensure it stays that way. I think because most of them were parental-type figures I had certain expectations. A better way of getting attention is probably through indie efforts, and again new people....
Again I'd like to apologize for the depressing effect of these forwards, and if I came across as adversarial with you, this was certainly not intended, at all. I also hope you have a great day and if I can help with anything give me a shout :))
In part 5.. more insanity, more abuse, multiple arrests.
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