Stalkers and Abuse – Part 5

Friday, November 27, 2015

Sorry for the delay on this. I was actually starting to feel sorry for Andy, he'd emailed me some stuff and I thought he had regretted the stuff he'd done. But that turned out to be a temporary thing. So on we go.

I was trying to be his friend, to help him, but I didn't feel like I was getting through. He had become obsessed with dating sites, and wasn't having much luck. He wasn't taking rejection well, and was routinely getting into vicious arguments with the women he was propositioning 30 minutes before. He started forwarding these conversations on to me. I don't know why - because they never put him in a good light. He still considered me a friend at this point, he would email me multiple times a day with random thoughts, and I'd pick one or two to reply to.

date: Sun, Aug 3, 2014 at 5:57 PM
subject: Xenobiology

Well, women, same thing, right? :P

Is it just my imagination or do women seem to have become considerably more complex creatures over say the last 10, 15 or 20 years? 8| *studiously examining specimen under microscope for the benefit of science, no, not page 3 yoooou foooool! Ok, Page 3*

He floated in and out of everything he's touched on earlier. What do programmers eat for breakfast, women are idiots, what does Sarah do for work, scousers are idiots, this country is going down the shitter, forwards from his parents, and sometimes he was actually nice. Sometimes he'd forward negative stuff to me, stuff he was sending to his parents. My replies are in green.

All the things I didn't do, all the things I'm not doing, all the things taken away from me by other people such as my kid Sister/extended family/childhood/adolescence/and so far adulthood, at lack of holiday since 1993 when everyone is in Ibiza every other month it seems (especially Asperger Team members- not Ibiza, but holiday), at the constant bullying in school including from teachers, at the total hypocrisy indifference negativity and outright evil of so many so-called friends starting at age 5 or 6 to the current day, at meeting crack addicts in 2004 and seeing that in my own increasingly insane future, at being homeless for all of 2004, at how things broke down with Dad's EVIL wife and harmed relationship with Dad for 10 years, at how Dad thinks me talking about my problems is an "insult", at how Dad thinks me disagreeing with him about anything without raising my voice is "violence", at how suicide prevention lines never answered phones, at how the Asperger team diagnosed me then ignored me for 10 long miserable years, at how I was allowed to live for 9 years in a disgusting bedsit in the worst area of the city then people were surprised I developed grudge against the place, at an almost endless amount of other things that are too humiliating and infuriating to put in writing, at how women have always treated me and still do to this day, at mixed messages from women, at how new people try to superficially help then give up when they realize how absurdly surreally complex my issues are - far beyond what most could even comprehend, at how this will be ignored or laughed at by everyone, at how my Mum's contribution will be that she doesn't know how to help etc, at how this keeps happening, at how people and British society never listen - I predict things and then they happen when they were preventable, at how "counselling" is the magic solution to all of my problems - will it give me back lost time - no, at how I have such insane obstacles to climb over etc, at least if I was born with no limbs everyone would acknowledge how unfair my plight was and I'd get support but my stuff is invisible. At how my entire life has and continues to be a con. At how much better everyone else has had it. At how many people have barely experienced any problems at all.

Don't you look back on all that stuff you wrote down and then think about your future.. and see two paths.. one where you dwell on it all for another 30 years and are continually miserable.. and one where you put it all behind you and move on with your life? What are you doing right now that means you're not going down the first path?

Telling other people about it....

But sadly most won't give 2 fucks.

What would you do?

1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
2. Stop caring about stuff so much that you end up lecturing people and alienate them from you.
3. Find a friendly asperger group and join it, socialize and be nice to people. Don't berate/stalk/spazz at them when they aren't being nice back.
4. Try to get a job
5. Move to a nicer area with money from job
6. Get a new job
7. Meet girl at job
8. Reveal yourself to her over time
9. Break up with her

I was trying to get him on the right track, but Andrew only wants advice that he wants.

Any ideas how I could persuade [Female Psychiatrist] to like me? I was told she found me sending 13 emails, messaging her on FriendsReunited and "getting into her family's Internet page" (looking at her bro's Facebook in normal person terms) intrusive, but she's probably just playing hard to get. I've probably only got one more chance to try as I was told it could be a police matter if I contacted her again, so need to be very clever with my words....any ideas?
We always got along when we met, and once she told me something I said made her very sad, so maybe she was kinda upforit until I sent her a dubious mail with some very choice guessing I should probably minimize the sexual content....also once when we were going somewhere, she said, "let's go, let's go all the way" :O kinda suggestive?

Do you really think there is any possible way that she likes you, or do you think she was doing her job. If she liked you wouldn't she have made it a lot more obvious than ignoring you?

That's not hard to get, that's "leave me alone you are scaring me".

Well something she did tell me at the end of our sessions was that it was against the rules to fraternize in any way, wished me well then went on holiday to Asia for 3.5 months. I sent a couple of friendly messages that she'd get back to. I figured a few months was enough time. No response so I did an Andrew special and made various comments about her sexuality, English women, black penis, and so on. I got some shit for that but I apologized and she relayed that back to her old supervisor. After that I sent a bunch more and got warned off.

At one point in the sessions I responded to something nice she said with, "well you're paid to say that" and she kinda made a sheepish expression....

Her supervisor tells me it's probably more like 2 years you're not meant to fraternize, but that it's not really written in stone. I only had a few sessions with her so the idea of her being off-limits that long seemed insane.

In a few weeks it'll be a full year since I last saw her, surely that's enough?....But I know if I say anything it needs to be very.....extremely......non-threatening and careful, maybe starting with apologies and explanations as to what I was doing on her bros page etc, and how I found various things etc. But everyone was asking me, how did I know this, or how did I find out that, like I was stalking her or some master hacker and that most certainly was not the case - it was nothing more than fairly basic Googling, cross-referencing, all public domain info, no hacking here ever......well, ok, there was that time with my old ISP, and that other few times on those courses, and that time with the *COUGH* University of Missouri *COUGH* and those times with the Trojans, and, uhhhhh.......well, ahem, she knows none of that stuff. All her stuff was found legit via Google. :)

Do you think she's sitting at home watching the clock waiting until the time comes when she can fuck you? Or do you think she is just worried that you're going to kill yourself and doesn't want that on her conscience?

Why shouldn't she want to fuck, I'm not that bad....or at least try something platonic. My Dad suggested she's seen the worst of me so would never be interested. Or maybe she's not so unforgiving.

Maybe there's a 3rd possibility. If not, I guess the latter is quite plausible....

But, all I ever did was make non-sexual suggestions to her, suggesting we meet, hangout etc, well, there was that one bed-breaking comment....but just once.

Hmmm, have you spoken to her?

She was kinda flirty sometimes, but other times kinda dry, detached and professional. Too flirty. Was almost like there was an inner conflict. I also know she wrote a paper about, "problems in therapeutic endings", so maybe she's experienced boundary issues before.

Sadly she doesn't do the whole social media thing so I know next to nothing of her personal life. Although StepDad keeps suggesting she may be a lesbian, but insists he has no inside info. She may actually be a sperger herself.... *wonders how much PIs cost* *jk*

Maybe you're seeing what you want to see, what you want to remember because you can't face the hard truth.

Sure she might have been flirty, and yeah that one time she might have said something. What about all the other times where she wasn't flirty, what about all the times she hasn't responded to your communications, what about how she has never actually told you that she likes you, what about the fact that she hasn't spoken to you in a year. Maybe weigh those things against that one time where she said something suggestive.

You are classic obsessed with this woman because she showed interest in you. You know she was paid to sit there but you're desperate to fool your brain into living the fantasy.

It's true that you're not a bad looking guy, and it's true that there#s no reason why she wouldn't be interested. But if she was she would have made it obvious, she wouldn't have ignored you for a year. It's not happening, so get over it and move on.

Happy with this advice, he did what anyone would do, he forwarded it his mom, step dad, dad and dad's new wife with this message attached.

It's nice to see how a busy guy, who I had a huge fight with in 2008, that would rightfully leave his blood running cold, and who is running a multi-million pound video game business and who has a small toddler manages to find the time to help me with these complex issues, but you do not [Dads Name], and neither does your wife. Yet you wonder why you get insulted by me and why I also feel insulted by you both???? And you cannot say I have alienated you, because you were ALWAYS like this! Remember the times I would come to visit at the weekend as a child, perhaps not much more than 10 years of age, and would sit solitary playing computer games the whole day while you did your best to avoid me, sitting in the other room reading your newspaper? Then somehow, every time, something bad would happen and I would run home alone a few miles crying. I bet you forgotten all that? How convenient. Not once did you come into the room to ask what I was doing, or if you could join me. You sat there aloof with your fucking newspaper. Well, that is a metaphor for pretty much the whole time we've known each other isn't it? Why didn't you force my Mum to have an abortion if children were going to be such a fucking burden to you, oh, you almost did, by hitting her when she was pregnant, or was [Moms Name] always lying about that? Your wife is going to see this email so we get to see what kind of a person she is, and so,she understands the roots of so many of my problem!

His attention continued to jump between sex and programming. He queried what assets we downloaded from the Unity asset store, how to keep motivation up, how to get hired, how to write a design document. And he forwarded more conversations he had on dating sites. And sometimes threw some paranoia my way.

Are you in the Illuminati?

I always wondered if people got somekind of visit or invite from them upon attaining a certain level of success, or are you not allowed to discuss it? Is it like the Stonecutters? I think Notch is definitely Illuminati, but probably not Phil Fish, what do you think?

He was also starting to get annoyed with his neighbour.

Stupid fucking neighbour listening to, "de futty laaaaaaaaa" at full blast on his radio. I don't care how liverfool are doing against gayhampton, it means nothing to me why should I have to listen when I'm trying to enjoy my Sunday in peace and quiet? I tried dropping a kendo-style stick on floor a few times, making quite a racket, yet he persists, so was gonna go knock and sarcastically ask him to turn it up as I couldn't hear it all over my flat. Think I should instead go politely introduce myself, and offer to shake hands with fap-hand? It's not my usual style, as it's pretty ugly, but if he insists on terror, then what options are open to me? :(

Now he's stinking the place up with his dodgy cooking smells. Smells so bad they literally make my stomach turn. I've barfed as a result a few times. Maybe I should deal with his terrorism by putting excrement through his letterbox. And not even Human excrement! :o

Have you ever had really dodgy neighbours? How did you deal with them? (Don't worry I won't tell where the bodies are buried lol).

Worst thing is I don't think they're deliberately trying to cause problems, well maybe his guitar-playing is IDK, they're just weird.

Ak, why is it so difficult to find "awesome" British pr0n, at least compared to the US stuff? They always get something wrong, like stupid positions or the camera in the wrong place or getting it just right but it not lasting long enough. Someone better campaign on this most important of issues next year, so I finally have incentive to vote.

Hi, I was wondering is there a part of the day when you feel more productive than others?

Hmmmm, how long do you think it'll take until there are passable and inexpensive sexbots*?

* No, Southeast Asian and Russian women are not included. :P

Hmmm, any ideas what the best way to forget a chick is? Without replacing her with another?

Why must women be such horrible sadistic bitches?

And then returning back to familiar subjects.

Any ideas what I could say to [Female Psychiatrist] to finally determine where I stand, or to try and win her interest? I think I've pretty much got 1 chance left, before police haul me away so need to phrase it very carefully :)

What I've got so far looks like a friggin' essay, do you think there's a few key-phrases I could use to condense it? Should I minimize vulgarity? Or just be direct? :o

You're smart, can't you figure it out yourself?

Do you really think she's sitting somewhere thinking about you? Wishing that she could be with you?

> Do you really think she's sitting somewhere thinking about you? Wishing that she could be with you?

Why is that so unthinkable? Coz I'm not rich?

No, because if she was she would have made it obvious. She wouldn't be sitting somewhere waiting an arbitrary amount of time before revealing her feelings.

Her official excuse last year was, "it's against the rules". But now a whole year has passed since our business ended. I can't see her bothering to wait another year.
I don't even know if she's as kewl as I imagined her to be, it's probably just wishful thinking.

Women are very strange. I get practically gang-raped online by Filipina's and old single mothers, but who wants that? It's this kinda shit that leads to misogyny. :'(

Well, she's right it is against the rules to date clients.....and it's not worth trashing her career which has barely started. Question is how long until after they're clients is it seems to know.

So give me 5 possible indications that she might be interested, and 5 that prove the opposite.


1) She bit her lower lip while smiling once when we were speaking.
2) When I called myself a loser she pulled an upset face and said that made her feel, "very sad".
? 3) She always asked if she could sit next to me, although admitedly she had notes she wanted to show me.
4) I think she might be a loner and perhaps a bit conservative.
5) I'm more ambitious than Hitler.
6) When we were going somewhere once she said, "Let's go, let's go all the way". But I was too stupid to turn to face her to see what expression she had or to say anything....


1) I'm not 6'6.
2) I'm not black.
3) I'm not a drug dealer.
4) I don't have much money. Yet.
4.5) At least one of her friends seems to be a bit of a slapper with poor judgement, perhaps making her one too....
4.75) She might not want my "type" to be seen by her family and friends....
4.88) My language about Scousers (nuking them etc) might have alienated/scared her. But I don't feel that way about them anymore (which I mentioned in my letter to her just now)
5) She might think I'm too materialistic.
5.1) One time after going somewhere with her I invited her in but she claimed she had to get back to the office....
5.11) I might have found amateur porn of her on Xhamster.

Bottom line is I know fuck all about her. She evades all social media like her life depends on it. She might actually turn out to be I could start getting to know her after waiting a year, all for nothing. :/

You really need to try harder on the negatives.

How about

1. She hasn't said she likes you
2. She has asked you to leave her alone
3. She hasn't contacted you beyond her job

I'm not asking you to dispute these facts, proving them wrong won't mean she wants to fuck you. I'm asking you to look at both sides of the argument with even bias. Biting her lip doesn't in any way outweigh any of these points.

Good points, and thanks for your constructive feedback :)

I forgot to mention in February I sent her a trollish email, due to rage about her not responding. So according to my Dad she's, "seen my worst side". I apologized but, there's probably an underlying trust issue now.

I wish there was some way I could "forget" about them all and simply not care. Dedicate myself to work. I've been reading about MGTOW, but their circumstances are pretty different to me - largely old men who've been taken to the cleaners in divorce.

So, obvious delusion. The only reason a woman wouldn't like him is because he isn't a 6'6 black, rich and a drug dealer. Which is obviously why the only guys you see that are married are 6'6 black, rich and a drug dealers. It's why most of our dad's turn out to be 6'6 black, rich and a drug dealers.

His focus is different the next day.

Do you think it's an accident that so many members of minorities in this country seem to want to blow the place up?

Is it possible that they're not integrated very well?

I am a member of a minority, in multiple ways, and have most certainly not been integrated gives a fuck about anyone else in this country, so it's the perfect breeding ground for people like me to spawn. Even though I try to be positive every day, what happens when things are consistently going wrong? Have you ever had consistently bad fortune?

Your bad fortune afaik is being bullied at school, over 20 years ago. You're not being shot in the street by police, or having your house burned down because of your religion, or being forced to rape your own mom at gunpoint.

What bad fortunes have you really had?

Had to endure the "Detroitian" 1980's and 90's Liverpool as someone with foreign parents, a non-milk-bottle complexion and with a funny non-Irish surname that no-one could be bothered to pronounce properly.

And much closer to torture than bullying.

Including indifference and bullying from teachers themselves....

....I asked a guy sitting behind me in Maths if I could borrow a pencil from him, resulting in horrible bullying Nazi teacher going apoplectic and getting me demoted to the remedial class (from one of the higher groups). Consequently my motivation collapsed and I ended up in all the remedial classes for everything. Yes, that's all I did, asked for a pencil.

Combined with the bullying, indifference, the deep well I found myself in and my wish to start somekind of new Codemasters outfit, I felt like school was a losing proposition and started truanting at about age 14, which was only noticed after several months (seriously). Me and a friend would spend the whole day sitting off in the park, just generally walking around the city or in Southport on the video arcades (no-one bothered to ask what we thought we were doing). This led to a sort of expulsion at age 15.
The money came from about £300 my mate's little brother "found in some woman's shop". Mate gave me about £70 of it, I didn't ask too many questions. Goddamn, that was one of the best times of my life, playing Streetfighter 2, Chase HQ, Final Fight and shit like that all day while my peers were dying of boredom at school. In an ideal world school would have worked out, but by that stage I was fully cognizant of the fact it was all beyond repair.

My biological parents seperated after 8 very turbulent (violence, neurosis, general psychosis etc) years when I was 6. My Mum met my Stepdad [NAME] at that time.

Due to my Mum and Step-Dad being unemployed/unemployable/grief-stricken after Sister's death for a long time we found ourselves living in a sardine-can council flat 9 floors up which was the cause of much humour for my school bullies. They were poor yet they got to make fun of me for being poorer (my Dad eventually made it to I guess upper-middle-class status but long after I was out of school). And thanks to my Mum's insomnia I wouldn't be able to sleep until about 3AM each night due to her wandering around constantly going in and out of the bathroom making lots of noise. Each morning in that cramped space my Step-Dad would open all the windows making it nice and artic then sneeze repeatedly at about 200 decibles (and they say Aspies are more sensitive to sensory input btw) making me feel like I was dying each time. Imagine, RAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, RAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO at airport or football stadium levels, every, single, morning. People with AS supposedly have somekind of superfuckinghero-level of hearing so it was agonizing.

We'd all constantly get in each other's faces and me and him came to physical confrontations, and when I was about 15 I pointed a steak knife at my Mum which she held against me for years.

When he wanted to discipline me, my genius Mother would jump in the way and beg him not to hit me, consequently I never had any respect for him as an authority figure, also as he wasn't my biological Dad. At 16 they dumped me in a foster home for a few months, then I was transferred to a sort of home for troubled youth for several more months. After that they let me back. I was in that flat since I was about 6 or 7. At 19 it finally broke down completely and I left for good, going to my own place, a shitty cramped bedsit in one of the worst areas of the city. An area were, at the time, about 80% of the population were impoverished militant blacks filled with rage against the white inhabitants of the city. And quite frankly understandably enraged. Problem is I wasn't black so that made me a target. I compared the bedsit with my bedroom so thought it wasn't so bad - I learned the hard way. I was also under huge duress to hurry up and get out of parents flat, and had very limited funds, so chose the first place that came along. By this stage I'd lost contact with pretty much my only friend, "truancy guy", as it turned out he was a bit of a cunt and we were way too different. I wanted to start a games company - the plan was to combine my programming and his artistic skills, but he was such a lazy cunt nothing ever happened.

My folks did such a great job I was completely unprepared for adult life.

That lovely new area I moved to would eventually result in me being mugged a few times, yeah, by the angry black dudes, and developing a crush on one of the neighbours which would eventually result in her moving and me being arrested, as I had absolutely no clue how to manage my interest in her or how to deal with adult relationships.

I quickly managed to catch-up with GCSEs that I missed out on, and went on programming courses, C, then C++, had work as a software engineer, then went to Uni at age 21. By this time I'd been isolated at home for a few years as I didn't really make friends with anyone on the courses or work. I made friends at uni though - one which would torment me on and off for 12 years.

My biological parents were so clever I'd get back from school as a 5 or 6 year old and they'd be screaming at each other, every day, in Spanish with my Dad regularly offering my Mum a nice left hook. There was no English in the household at all, so I'd get to school and everything was totally alien - later "childhood Autism" was, probably incorrectly, blamed for that - well, it would have been nice of them to diagnose me there and then instead of waiting until I was 28 years of age for Asperger diagnosis. My extended family were all thousands of miles away so there was no-one else to intervene on my behalf. My Mum was essentially imprisoned at home with no friends that could intervene either.

By the time I went to Uni the depression had already aggressively taken root, although looking back I'd probably had it for years already, so I consequently failed the course and had to repeat the final year. I eventually passed the course, just about, and landed a software engineer job but it didn't last. No matter how hard I tried I could never find that kind of work in Liverpool so always had to take work far outside, and I commuted there, which using public transport was pretty horrible. 1.5 hours and 2 trains each way kinda thing. I didn't move there because the jobs were always in depressing little polluted towns like Widnes and Wigan. So I was 24, had a mediocre qualification from a mediocre establishment that I landed myself about £20,000 in debt for, was unemployed, was being ignored by women, had a shit relationship with my parents, had no friends (the friends I made at Uni I lost contact with one by one).

Then 9-11 happened.....a few hours after I was stewing in my flat screaming about how I should just kill myself. Weird synchronicity. My neighbours were supposedly so worried about me (yeah, more like they didn't want corpse-stench or ghosts) that they called the police. Police came to check up on me and give me a 15 minute pep talk, went away, I switched BBC News on and WTF do I see, the fucking twin towers collapsing. A place I'd wanted to go to since childhood.

This led to me discovering the endless rabbit-hole that is conspiracy theories, which just led to me getting more and more depressed and concluding, "what's the point of doing anything as we'll all be dead or slaves soon anyway". BTW I'd been fucking around with online dating and the Liverpool Yahoo chat room for a few years by this time. The Liverpool room was essentially a mental asylum compared to the nice, friendlyish, Manchester room, so feelings about Liverpool and scousers started aggressively going South then - combined with my past here and it being near impossible to find decent work here at the time it became easy to hate the place and people.

I got past that negative mindset when I was finally evicted from there due to another neighbour confrontation, which led to jail, then a year of homelessness and being completely ostracized by Mum. I started making an effort to get back into the programming then, but I was always fighting against severe depression and then the problems with my neighbour started, shortly after he moved in.

Oh yeah and there was 5 weeks in jail. But I never took any showers just incase of bum-rape, lol, although I was assured it didn't happen. The food was actually pretty respectable too. Maybe that says a lot about my diet in shitty Toxteth bedsit for 9 years prior to that. There weren't any playstations, at the time, but there was no real disincentive for people stuck at the bottom of very deep wells not to get into recidivism - someone there described the place as, "a decent place to take a break from it all for a few months" - I avoided going back because of ambition - indiedev FTW! :)
The ones with no ambition are probably still going in and out of there, or dead now.... :(

* FAULT = My parents, neighbour, whoever really knocked down the WTC/The Illuminati(!) etc, the education system, the health system, Liverpool working-class culture of the 80s and 90s, me.

> You're not being shot in the street by police

No, but I was home-invaded twice in the space of a few weeks in 2012. This time I was living in an area and flat that was better than the old bedsit place but which quickly degenerated. I had a crack-addict / former heroin addict neighbour who'd been in jail 7 years and who'd bring all kinds of dubious people round to his flat consequently leading to multiple raids on our building. Is nice having the police banging on the door at 5AM demanding you let them in so they can saw their way through your sleeping neighbour's door. The other time the police were repeatedly banging on the door, causing me to look out window and see a couple police vans and literally 10 officers all shouting at me in scouse to, "opun de dooooor!!!!!". I quickly went to open the door but by this time they'd smashed the front door of it's hinges and were on their way up the stairs. They started screaming, "Who are you??? What's your name" and started piling into my flat. So I had like 10 officers in my living room surrounding me bombarding me with questions. One of the little fucktards quickly went off on his own into the back for a few minutes and when I tried to pursue him I was told, "OY, STAY THERE!!!!!!". After he came back, without explanation of what he was doing unsupervised in the back, and they'd all realized I wasn't [NAME], they went to neighbour's door and proceeded to start kicking the shit out of it. They arrested him and later I discovered they'd found small quantities of crack-cocaine there. Did he disappear to jail? Fuck no. He was back the next day. I also later discovered he was fined £115 or something for possession of crack and weed. lol fined. WTF. At one point the guy pushed me so much I ran at him with a hammer screaming "I'm going to kill you!!!!!" but fortunately his friend and my Stepdad were there to jump in the way, also fortunately the guy was just a sad little addict and not vindictive, so it didn't escalate, he became a bit less of a cunt and less of his bellend friends came round.

The home invasions involved me trying to take a shit at 1AM one Friday night only to discover a crowbar-wielding thug walking round the corner into my hall demanding, "de weeed laaaaaa!! Wherezzz de weeed!!?!?!?" while his accomplice darted in and out of every room searching. They'd pried my flat door and the communal door of their hinges with the crowbar. I never touched anything, not even booze, so it was kinda traumatic to me. I locked myself in bathroom and called the police. They fucked off without taking anything fortunately. Oh and they also broke into neighbours flats but they were away. Turned out there was a "pretty big" grow operation in the house next door....this is what they were looking for: [LINK]

The night after the police raided that house, immediately next door, and took away the 1000 plants or so, someone came in through my bathroom window when I was asleep. Apparently didn't take anything at all, but for some reason some of my PC CD/DVDs found their way to the bathroom floor. The police explained it as someone most likely thinking mine was the weed house and they were coming in to collect anything the police had forgotten to remove. The respectable girl downstairs understandably had enough by this stage and gave her notice to landlord, leaving me alone with the crack-head upstairs. I probably should have moved too at that point. Instead I waited until the landlord decided to evict us all at the same time to recover a debt, and no doubt fed up with constantly having to replace front doors after raids. I came here then (March of last year), nice flat, nice area, harmless neighbours apart from revolting cooking smells and guitar-playing :)

Few months later I met [FEMALE PHYS]. That went well *facepalm*

........To go back a bit I had a Dad who didn't give 2 fucks and thought it'd be nice to beat my Mother infront of me when I was between the ages of 0 - 6, including when she was pregnant with my Sister (My Mum also informs me when she was pregnant with me too) who was later born with a hole in her heart - which she later died from due to repeated NHS fuck-ups. My Dad would always make excuses that she was very sick, but the truth is there was repeated medical negligence during, before and after operation which the NHS got away with. My Mum and Stepdad always knew this, but he didn't which led to further division between us. This also led to me growing up an only child from the age of 9. She was 3.

My Dad also thought it'd be a good idea to repeatedly beat me in the face with closed fists once when we were on holiday in a friend's car, I was 11 at the time.

Oh and the Asperger team pretty much ignored me for most of the last 10 years, since they diagnosed me, leaving me pretty much unsupported with all that crap above happening.

I've missed out TONNES more shit, but this was getting long enough as it is.

* FAULT = Parents, [FEMALE PHYS] for giving me false impression, neighbours, landlord, me (for not moving sooner), criminal justice system, Liverpool crime culture (now endemic in all UK cities), NHS, specific surgeons/nurses.

......................Is all that enough to be a bit pissed off/bitter? How about your life?

Sorry that was a bit wordy but you did ask ;)

Most people's problems: "I had a few shit relationships. I couldn't go to Ibiza as much as I would have liked to. I hate my job. The end."

Yikes, wish I never asked. But hey, that was a lot of text, why not send it to the Female Psychiatrist that asked you to leave her alone?

Message to [FEMALE PHYS] sent over weekend - what do you think? Guess she must want me to report her.

"Oops, I said that other email would be the last unsolicited one I sent you, but I thought this was very important and you might like to see it. Someone, a multi-millionaire semi-friend* (of all things - don't we all have them lol?) wanted me to explain exactly how I'd been so unfortunate in life. So I explained....

*He's a game developer.

If this email has offended you in any way then I apologize. This is genuinely the last one, unless you reply. Which would be kewl :)

Also, if you decide to make a formal complaint to the police, which I feel is completely unnesscarry, I will make a formal complaint to the BPS about your conduct here (slightly flirtatious behaviour leaving me with false expectations for the last year). I don't think it needs to go that way. We can treat each other respectfully as adults. If you want me to go away, then either say so, or ignore me. I will respect that. This is the last email. Hope everything is good with you. :)

Why does nobody like me? :((

It's not my fault so many bad things happened to me when I was growing up, or my parents are foreign. :(

Ok, it's my choice not to be a clubber/binge-drinker, but why should I have to be? It's like a religion in this country and going against it is like saying something bad about Mohammed to Muslims :(

date: Sun, Aug 31, 2014 at 9:51 AM
subject: Interracial jacuzzi porn

I just got phone call from police about emailing [FEMALE PHYS] at weekend, they want to come and see me on Thursday :(

Does that go in the "she wants to fuck me" or "she doesn't want to fuck me" pile?

In the unknowns.

It's possible she didn't report it. Maybe the AS team or her University did.

If it WAS her, then in the "doesn't want to". Unless she's just giving herself legal cover. Remember she's not SUPPOSED to want to fuck me - it's against the rules.

It's most likely she reported me to the AS team who in turn reported me to the police in an attempt to force my hand at retaliating against her, as she was asked politely not to contact them.

Would a woman, yes, even a Northern one, be so stupid as to immediately contact the police after been given powerful incentives not to?

Why wouldn't she want to anyway? I'm not THAT bad, and she's not all that amazing either..

Regardless, it's her problem now this chick is messaging me. [FEMALE PHYS] has become obsolete.

Also she probably isn't stupid enough to have vids of herself on Xhamster.

She's also get one of these at the appropriate time....and be given a cause to meet [FEMALE PHYS] and inadvertently let slip that I bought it for her :>

[Photos of lady from dating site] [Photos of cars]

Hmmmm, any ideas how I could determine if that porno girl is [FEMALE PHYS]?

I asked the uploader, but he hasn't answered yet. He seems to get them from other sites....

Girl wants to meet. What do I do? So used to not even being answered by them not sure how to handle this.

Your usual move is to send them an email calling them a cunt then to stalk them for 3 years until they get the police involved, try that :)

There isn't a usual move because they never ask me out, and that'd fail, hard.

Think it'd be a mistake to disclose the AS to her?

I think you are always best off being 100% honest from the start. If she can't accept it now she's not going to accept it in 6 months.

Yay, agreed to meet someone next week sometime, wow.... :O

So....just need to figure out how date ends with bed-breaking lol, any ideas? No, 3 dates is too long.

Oh god. This had me worried. I'd never contemplated before that he might end up meeting someone from a site. I'd seen a photo of the lady he was going to meet. She looked nice. She had no fucking idea what she was getting into. With his inability to take no for an answer. I felt sick, helpless.

Uhhhm, lil' help? Lol.

What am I supposed to do when meeting her for 1st time, try to kiss her? Shake hands? Bow? Sort of nervously chuckle while nodding vigorously? Also what should I say? It sucks no-one taught me these things.

Hi, any ideas how to determine the number of sexual partners a chick has had, without her lying?

Trying to think of topics for date.

But then it became obvious that he was going to talk himself out of it anyway. Sometimes you like wanting something more than having it I guess. He was obviously going to manufacture an condition that meant he couldn't meet/date her. The condition was obviously going to be an imperfection with her. She was obviously a slut. And Andrew does not do sluts.

date: Thu, Sep 4, 2014 at 9:48 PM
subject: Heeeeeellooooooo from Walton Prison!

No, not really, just got a mild castigating from police. *files under she's not up for it*

I get the feeling Andrew is quite used to having the police visit him and tell him off now.

Ahhhh knockbacks......

" Hi Andy, I'm good thanks..I'm out tonight my younger sons birthday, then prob visit my mum tomorrow. Hope your ok?!
You seem like a nice guy fun sounds good but will have to think about it if you don't mind...there is a bit of an age gap xx "

*sighs* Goddamn vaginacreatures....

......I didn't ask to marry her; I want her to repeatedly slam her crotch into my boner, what does "thinking" or "age gap" have to do with it? :/

What happened to your date?

I pussied out. No pun intended. Then I semi-regretted it and tried to briefly explain but she's not replied yet. She wanted to meet for drink and all that morose crap, but at 40 she's way too old to be anything more than a FB/FWB.

I want to make up for lost time. Calculating that the average person my age has been screwing for:

22+ years,
x 52
== that's 1100+ weeks.

Averaging about 3 per week.

== I quickly need to get my total to about 3300 (ofc I'll be older by then, so maybe aiming at 4000 makes more sense).

So far I'm about 0.1% of the way there.

Phew. This kind of stuff carried on. This was his primary obsession now. He'd seen a bit of success, now it was his thing. It was becoming obvious that this was what he was doing 24/7.

I could consider r'ship, but would have to be with someone who's never done the whole pub/club/Ibiza thing, which is next to impossible to find these days. So it seems they have to be either ridiculously young - too young. Or from somekind of religious background, which carries its own baggage.....or possible Aspie chicks, but finding unicorns seems easier than finding them. Not sure what other alternatives there are....

It sounds like what you're doing is what you always do. You want to do something, then you add a bunch of stupid conditions on what you exactly want, then you obviously never get what you want, then you blame everyone and everything else.

You have nothing, get anything, that's an upgrade.

You're not going to get a decent woman because you don't do or don't have anything. That's literally how it works, it's not about money. It's about them being able to take them home to meet their mom. They don't want to take someone home and say "here's andy he doesn't work, he has no money, he spends all his time on the internet playing minecraft, on dating sites and sending people nasty messages".

Fix everything else, relationships and sex follow.

Hmmm, are you sure I won't get a decent woman simply because they've most been snatched (no pun intended) up?

I never play Minecraft anymore (or any games really) and I do have money, not lots, but enough not to leech from them and enough to pay for a nice flat in a nice area (yeah Liverpool has them lol!). If they want to leech from me, then what's the point? Doesn't feminism mean they don't need our money anymore? They want their cake and to eat it multiple times*.

It's not like I tell people, "I do nothing" lol. When people ask, officially, I'm a software engineer (which is kinda true, when I'm motivated). Of course, that's too nerdy for most women....

Problem is very well known: In the Western world "women" shag everything that moves in their teens and 20's (I have permanent psychological injuries thanks to missing out on that). Then they get to a point in their 30's or 40's where they can no longer ignore the incessant ticking of their biological clocks and try to settle down. Only problem their expectations are INSANE and guys by that stage are fed up with them. Men just want, "reasonably attractive" + "easy going / lowish maintenance". Western women have a list that goes on forever. These same women MIGHT give you a chance when they get old and desperate (for husbands/kids etc), like my 40 year old, but they were the same women who were ignoring you when they were young because you weren't a bad boy / alpha male / drug-dealer type. You said it yourself a few weeks ago, about women "loving programmers".

Sounds like it's everyone else's fault again. Why is it so hard for you to take responsibility for yourself? Everyone else is doing it.

Not sure who I'm blaming exactly? Other than doing all the right things what are you supposed to do? Rely on luck? Well, me and luck are incompatible, we always have been.

What am I doing wrong?

Must be horrible for you. Multi-millionaire, closest you've been to depression was a stubbed toe, or something. In your own city and country. Supportive family and friends. Don't judge until you've walked in my shoes. :(

"Hi Amei, how are you? I hope you don't think this is too forward, but I would really love to do lots of naughty things with you lol, are you up for that? :)
Andy xx"

Hmmm, I forgot which one Amei is. She's either the one that's 22 or 58, I don't give a fuck, they've both got holes in their crotches >:]

Why are people in this country generally so unfriendly, especially compared with elsewhere? :/

I don't understand, why won't women sleep with single guys anymore, apparently any guys? :((((

Why do vaginacreatures require a few dating ritutals before being willing to mate? Any theories?

Hmmm, why do so many of your women have unusual cylindrical configurationed breasts?

Why is sluttishness so common in your country?

PS thanks for ignoring my emails, totally not a cuntish thing to do :|

PPS I fucking hope the UK gets hit with a bioweapon, killing millions, it's only a matter of time.

Why are english people so intolerant and hate-filled? :(

You are the most intolerant hate filled person I've ever known, seems like you could answer this yourself?

How am I either?

Maybe you've lived a sheltered life?

My theory about England? Perhaps superiority complex and vestiges of Empire....?

Any negativity that comes from me is due to mistreatment. Who ever mistreated the English, well, perhaps apart from other English?

Out of interest, how do you think your character might fare if you'd suffered almost 4 decades of brutal torture? :)

You committed horrible acts against my ancestors and I have a long memory....

Remember in about January when you said you were holding a grudge against me from 2008? And remember how you said I was just making you hate me even more? Well, take those feelings, that anger, hate, bitterness, confusion perhaps and multiply by no less than 1,000,000.... THAT is what your country has done to me, that is what your countrymen and countrywomen have done to me, that is how I have to live every single fucking day of my life. That is what corroded away anything inside me that could be labelled Human. And the only way to make all that go away is with 50 million bodybags*, or a bullet through my fucking head, I don't give a fuck which.

* and most likely that won't even suffice.

Why are your women always being sodomized by legions of 8ft tall black men in alleyways?

Why is interracial porn so widespread in your little country? It's practically unheard of in real countries i.e. on the continent.

Why do you allow your women to do whatever they want?

Why do your women have no self-restraint? a very impressive 44 yr old chick has made it pretty clear that she wants to rape me, thanks to me putting up new pic (it's only a beard FFS)......only problem; her HUSBAND looks like a biker dude......


She states he doesn't mind as she's a free spirit. Think I should risk it?

So this carries on. For months.

I don't understand them at all, what do they do when they want casual sex? Or they never want it? Use their sex toys? Are guys really that much hornier? :/

He stopped asking about coding completely, just sex sex sex, abuse abuse abuse. It was getting boring.

Btw some bitch ignored 90+ of my messages overnight, I think that's just additional justification to use and abuse them, especially the scouse ones. See how they like it. I wasn't nasty to her but for some reason she's chosen this abusive course of action, well, 2 can play at that.

You sent someone 90 messages and you are wondering why they're ignoring you? This stuff makes you seem insane

I was bored....and horny.......and it didn't occur to me to unhorn, the conventional way.

In hindsight perhaps it comes across as a bit creepy........or maybe not. Romantic? :P

Until December 2014 (yes, it's getting to that time of the year again).

date: Mon, Dec 8, 2014 at 1:44 AM
subject: Police

Well, that was fun, just spent 6 hours in police custody :((((

You can learn why that happened in part 6. When I write it.
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